..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
