OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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