So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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