We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize