If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
