I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
