The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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