Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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