Christians are straight up FREAKS
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
