she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
