and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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