Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
