Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
