Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
