Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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