love makes seman taste better
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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