i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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