So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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