um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
