HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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