I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
How does it feel to date your dad?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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