Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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