i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
