St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
