why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
