I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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