I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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