I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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