I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize