I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
did you just send me my own nude
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
