I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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