your parents love me but you hate me
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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