Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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