I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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