he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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