this just has baby written all over it
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize