I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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