Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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