my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
what the fuck happened to the tacos
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize