It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
