It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
