So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
you never un-have a 4some
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
