yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
