There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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