My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize