Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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