I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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