So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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