i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
