The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
