I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
