MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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