you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
they're like a gay fantastic four
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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