are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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