I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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