he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
