That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
