Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
