your parents love me but you hate me
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
