i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
