I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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