Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
