Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
