He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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