maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
