come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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