Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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