I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
