I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
