A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
