Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize