I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
