I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
