So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
