"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
