I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
