we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
